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"Will I Win?" Why is it important for children to win AND lose

Should I let my child win at family games? This is yet again another dilemma that parents are faced with.

We all know that a little competition is always good. And when I think about it more, we all want to win.


There is going to be an art competition in Lucas' school. It's voluntary so I asked him if he wants to join.

"Will I win?", was his first question.

I said, "I don't know. How will you know if you win or lose if you're not going to try?"

"I guess!", he said.

Later that night I decided to talk about it more. I read an article to him on how losing is important too. And then I learned something I never would have found out if I did not ask...

"Every time I lose I start getting angry. Cause I always lose, they won't let me win!"

Lucas is one of the shorter boys in the class. And even though he always says he is a fast runner, the reality is that the taller boys will always run faster.

It is actually the first time for me to hear him ALMOST admitting that he is not fast enough.

One night while we were walking outside we asked him, "Who is the slowest runner in the class?"

He said, "Don't call them slow. Call them 'medium-fast'."

"Okay, so who are the medium-fast runners?"

He said, "Me,classmate 1,classmate 2,..."

Hahaha! Kaya pala eh kasama siya! (So that's why... he's one of them lolz!)

Oh baby, thank you for reminding me that not being the best isn't a bad thing at all.

This is a typical human attitude, right? When faced with the reality that you are no the best. Just lift yourself up. Find things to make yourself feel good. lolz!

Anyway, sharing the summary of what I learned with all of you.  


  1. It shows them that they are good at something, which eventually builds their self-confidence.
  2. It inspires them to do things better because they want to be recognized for going a step further.
  3. It helps them think strategically in order for them to win again.
  4. It makes an honest child. Knowing that they can only win by following the same set of rules as the others.


  1. It can help them deal with negative feelings, a skill that is necessary for life.
  2. They can realize that everyone has a different skill set and talent.
  3. It also teaches them to show empathy towards others and be able to offer to help others cope with their negative emotions.
  4. If they always win, they will not know how to deal with situations that don't go their way.


It's not about winning, it's about making an effort to win.


We need to experience winning and we need to experience loss as well.


We should encourage them to compete. Don't force them. Simply continue to give all the support and resources that you can give.


We also need to accept that we are not always the best at everything. 


And for kids, they need to find what kind of games or competitions they enjoy most. We should not force our dreams on them.

So, what do you think? Should we always let them win? Or should we simply also play to win?

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