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To friends who don't know what to say... What to say to a grieving friend



A survey result said that grieving people think saying the wrong thing is better than nothing.

To the friends who don't know what it feels like,
what it feels like to lose someone.

To the friends who feel uncomfortable because you don't know what to say...

We know. We know you can't offer support because you don't know how it feels like.

To lose a mother,
To lose a father,
To lose a friend,
To lose a grandparent,

You hesitate to say hi because it feels awkward now. 

I know what it feels like to lose someone I love.
Yet I've never lost a partner in life. 
I've never lost a child I already cared for.

I know the pain is different.
And we handle pain differently.
Therefore, even though I lost a mother, a father, a friend, a grandparent, and a child.

I still can't say, "I know what you are going through."


There's a German proverb that says, "The bridge between joy and sorrow is not long."

As a survivor, I try to find joy knowing that sorrow is nearby.
I deal with sorrow knowing that there are still reasons to smile.

I've mourned quite a few times. Most of the time, people say or do the wrong things.

You know what's the worst? Sometimes, people tend to ignore.

Death is a grim topic. No one initiates a topic about it. But I do. Sadly, some people ignore. Then when I open a different topic, they jump on it instantly.

| MY STORY OF LOSS featured in Star Legacy Foundation to help raise awareness about Stillbirth: To the baby whose heart stopped beating... mommy loves you!

So, to the friends who don't know what to say.
In the world today, where hugs and kisses can't be done...
Where we can't even see a dying person before they died,
where we can't mourn together,
or celebrate a life well lived.

Tracey Bleakley, CEO of Hospice UK, said: “What these findings show is just how important it is for us all to talk about death and grief, particularly when as a nation we are facing higher numbers of unexpected deaths as a result of COVID-19. These issues sadly have a taboo about them, which is unhealthy and can leave people suffering in silence. We owe it to each other to take part in these conversations. So many people are dying to be heard, and we all need to listen.”


Here's a simple thing you can do. Take part in the conversation when someone else starts it. We don't need affirmations that everything will be okay. As a practical guide, I guess, simply ask questions, you're not close but offer anyway, then listen...

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