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Why do great marriages fail after having a child? A first-time mom shares her reflection and notes

Children are gifts from the Lord, they are a reward from Him. Why do great marriages fail after having a child? What happens?

One of the advice during my bridal shower was, “Be careful, I’ve seen many great marriages fail after they have a child”. Because of this advice, I became curious and cautious at the same time. 

Bakit nga ba? Why do children become somehow a cause of separation? Or were they? 

Children are gifts from the Lord, they are a reward from Him. So what happened? 

As a first-time mom, I see it now. Here are my conclusions: 


When you learned that you’re expecting, things seem to be very exciting until your little one comes out. You know the time, money, and sacrifices were required for your child to grow and get nourished. Of course, you will never know the weight of those until you experience it firsthand. 

When your baby finally welcomes the world, the father needs to earn more. While the mom most of the time takes care of the baby.  This is aside from caring for her own body and health. This becomes exhausting for both of the spouses. 

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That’s not the reason yet! When both of them focus on their MAJOR ROLES and do not involve themselves with each other. That's when they are now creating their “new separate worlds”. 

A world that is more pressing, more stressful, insecure, and lonely. You may still be physically present but emotionally apart. 

You begin to think if your husband or wife could still understand what you’re going through. 

As a consequence? - INFIDELITY!

Infidelity usually happens when another person “seem” to understand your new world. That’s why it is not uncommon for office adulteries or a single guy with an immoral relationship with a mom. 

Infidelity also means talking behind your partner's back. Telling "outside people" your problems instead of opening up to your spouse. In effect, you are creating a bad impression for your partner. Eventually, both of you will fix your disagreement but your spouse will forever be perceived differently by those people outside of your bond.

I am not saying these are okay or acceptable in society! What I am trying to say is to not create a separate world. 

What can we do?

1. AS WIVES. Wives should continue to show interest in your husband’s office stories. Be there for him to listen to his disappointments whether on people or deadlines. If he’s not opening up, be the one to ask questions. Ask him about how his day went and even go out to celebrate even small milestones. 

2. AS HUSBANDS. Husbands, your roles do not end in providing. Surely moms would love to take care of your babies, but that does not mean they will not get tired or frustrated. They may even feel not enough or insecure at times. Ask how her day went. What did she do for the whole day? Ask her even if she is repeating her stories. How she enjoyed putting the baby to sleep or how funny she burned the steak. 

It’s all about communication. Show your interest, and be intentional even if it is not always enjoyable. 

3. OFFER OR ASK HELP. Also, help each other with each of your responsibilities. If the wife could drive the husband to work sometimes. The husband to take some vacation leave so that the wife could take a rest or a trip to the salon. For sure your partner would appreciate that.  

4. PRAY FOR EACH OTHER & OTHER COUPLES. Most importantly, pray for one another, you do not know all the battles each of us need to face daily. 

There will be more challenges ahead. Pretty soon careers and housework will become a routine. But the challenges will keep on changing. Let's be conscious and cautious.

I know we all have different circumstances.  Some may have more struggles than others.  I do hope I was able to encourage even one married couple to be more open with one another and value the power of communication through this. And for me, that’s more than enough.

THE AUTHOR: DEE and her husband are members of Christ's Commission Fellowship (CCF). Dee is committed to the Lord. Even before becoming a mother, she has been focused on making an impact by mentoring 6 young ladies.  

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