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Can parents care TOO much? Featuring 4 simple stories

Can parents care too much?

Have you ever stopped and think, "Am I an overprotective and clingy mother?

I haven't. Well, not until my niece Mariette told me, "Stop thinking about your son Tita!"

Story 1

Last December, our nieces from the US visited us in Japan.  They received shopping money as Christmas gifts. They are in a different country after all!

My husband and I took them to Ueno for shopping. I walked with Mariette and helped her with her indecisions. Not once did she asked me to call her mother. I admire here independence at 9 years old.

As for me? Instead of shopping for myself, all I see are children's clothes that would look good on Lucas.

After a while, Mariette finally said, "Can you stop thinking about your son? You are here to shop for yourself okay? This is your time away from him Tita!"

I laughed and thought she was cute! But she's right. And so I bought a hat for myself, a winter coat for Nanay and none for my son.

Story 2

My nephew Mikhael from Australia mentioned in his article, How migration affects children - A perspective from a child who has moved 4x in 10 years,  "So parents, calm down. We know it’s a hassle but at least enjoy moving around and meeting new people."

Story 3

Recently, I wrote the article, A Simple Story about Self-Care & Relaxation. In that story, I mentioned how my 6 years old son told me, "Relax mommy. You should relax. Let's party come on! Turn on squalify!"

My son, my teacher

Story 4

Nanay (my mother-in-law) is a real-life Darna! I sweat there is literally (not really byt literally is Lucas' favorite word now) nothing she can't do! She also does everything immediately and fast!  Sometimes we would test it out. When we are trying to look for something late at night, she wouldn't wait until the next morning to find it. 

I have never met anyone else like her! She does not know how to procrastinate! Are your parents and grandmothers the same?

On the flip side, she also has a mental list of all the things that her children (WE) need to do. And boy would she follow up like there's no tomorrow! "Did you talk to your Ate? Did you do.... this and that already? I thought you were going to do this today? You said you were going to fix this..."

Not only that. Sometimes she would do it herself. She's got more connections than the barangay captain, you know!

Oftentimes we would tell her, "Nay, don't worry about that. That's not your problem anymore. Don't concern yourself with it, we're already talking to Ate."

And I would often say, "Nay, your bunso (youngest son) is a grown-up. You know you are spoiling him until now."

Sorry no actual photo of Nanay baka mapagalitan ako hehe!

And so I realized, Do we indeed worry too much about our children when we shouldn't?

Do we think about them too much to the point of obsession?

Do we anticipate every need at the sacrifice of our own? Therefore, forgetting the point of self-care?

How involved do we need to be in their lives anyway?

Can parents care TOO much?

I don't have the answer obviously. I'm still pondering as I write this haha!

And well, maybe I do obsess a bit. 

Maybe my world revolves around Lucas since he came.

But we can't help it, can we? 

We're in love...

We're obsessively in love... 💟

Wait, isn't obsession dangerous?

Okay, this might help out a bit. Good Read from Unicef:

The handbook provides directions about how to be a competent and responsible parent under circumstances of social change and pressures. It recognizes that in today's time, parenting has become extremely difficult and confusing. It shows a guide for each development milestone of the child.

It also discusses Parenting-style. Recognizing that children need us but we also need to teach them to be independent. And that the ideal one is to be an Authoritative Parent.

Parenting Style
Parenting styles. Source:

There was a quiz in Annex 1 which I took despite seeing some typos (e.g. letter G instead of letter D). The result said I am mostly authoritative, sometimes authoritarian, and permissive. But never uninvolved.

There you go, I guess I have and give the right amount of care after all!

Wait... did I just found an excuse for caring too much?

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