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The Ghost of Anna: Thinking about Love, Death, and Regrets




I know it's love month but allow me to indulge in a momentary sorrow and deepness.  Today is the death anniversary of my soul sister, Anna.  I talk a lot about her in my blogs.  It's not because I miss her although yes, I miss her all the time.  It's because we grew up together, we were playmates, classmates, phone pals when there were no cell phones yet, we shared a travel experience to Japan when we were nine, and we were drinking buddies in high school.

She was some girl, Anna. Nobody really understood her. Not her parents, not her friends, not her lovers, not even herself.  There is something about her that makes her stand out and that may be the reason why people always tease her.  I defended her from girls, boys, gays.  The timid me will always find the courage to fight them. They always end up stupified. They never thought I can be that fierce.

She was different. She was beautiful but weird. She was a rebel. She was troublesome. She was suicidal. And although we love her deeply, none of us knew how to deal with her. How to help her. How to rescue her.

She was a lively lady but she was gone too soon... right when she finally found a reason to change.

Before her life ended, she was saved...

She was going to give birth to a baby boy. Yet even the baby did not make it.  Her lungs gave out while she was pregnant.  They had no chance I guess. Since her death, she continued to hunt us.  No, not her ghost... although she seems to be the only one who shows up frequently in our dreams.  Yes, maybe it's not her ghost... because I believe it's mostly our regrets.

We are haunted.

Tomorrow was supposed to be my dad's birthday. But he's gone too. It doesn't hurt as bad now... but it will always hurt worse than my mom's death. Because with my dad, I have a lot of regrets.

Because of that, he haunts me too.

I know this is just so sad and heavy. There is no other way to express this. To be haunted by regrets rather than a ghost is scary and painful at the same time.

We are still fortunate. To have all our friends and family. We won't be around forever so let's show our Love to each other.

There's no better time than this Love month and months after that 💖

Note: If you know someone like Anna or if you are going through something you don't understand. Seek help. People care.



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